How Arab cities in Israel are recreating a sense of connection

This one change reflects a much larger shift that has taken place for parents and children in Arab cities across Israel. As our smaller physical villages have disappeared, so have the communities that they organically created through spontaneous encounters – like playing outdoors. At the same time, we have not seen much in the way of city planning or the development of public spaces, parks, transportation and housing, which would better connect the significantly larger population. As a result, many families feel isolated, and parents are caring for their children without an adequate support network.

While I am not a parent myself, many of my peers have young children, and I see how stressed-out they are because they lack access to the tight and helpful community my parents enjoyed.

As the Urban95 Regional Manager and Strategic Mentor in Arab society in Israel, where Arab citizens make up 20% of the population, my role is to encourage and support cities to prioritise the health and wellbeing of babies, toddlers and their caregivers. In Arab cities that have experienced significant recent population growth, such as Tira and Baqa al-Gharbiyye (both with populations of 32,000 people), my aim is to recreate, as much as possible in today’s urban context, the kind of experience that my generation had as children – and the kind of support that my generation’s parents had when they were raising us. By focusing on maintaining and strengthening the community values important in Arab society, the Urban95 programme1 aims to remind families how we used to connect in our villages in order to inspire a sense of belonging for the future. My hope is to help re-establish an environment in which parents can allow their children to play outside while feeling confident that their children are safe and the community will look out for them.

Today, most parents rely on extended family to cope with childcare, even though families are dispersed. For example, my sister and her husband live far from most of their extended family. They tend to work late, and often rely on me to pick up my niece from kindergarten in another town. The lack of land on which to build private homes and the scarcity of apartments to rent often force young couples to move away from family support networks, making this solution out of reach for many. And with a lack of public spaces for play, parents often rely on sometimes costly private classes and activities, such as gymnastics, football, or music lessons, to stimulate their children.

“My aim is to recreate the kind of support that my generation’s parents had when they were raising us.”

While community remains as important as ever in Arab culture, these changes and the mismatch between tradition and urban development have made it harder to put this community spirit into action.

Our work aims to give families better opportunities to connect by providing spaces that are accessible and engaging for caregivers as well as children. We want to recreate an experience of belonging that has been lost over the years.

We run groups for new mothers, led by parenting educators who support the participants in opening up to each other about the emotional and practical challenges they are facing, from breastfeeding, to sleep routines, to dealing with exhaustion. Additionally, we have groups for parents of preschool children, who are dealing with another set of challenges and concerns.

These efforts are made more complicated by the ongoing war, rising internal strain and crime rates. Since the war started, we have been running sessions designed to help parents deal with their stress and worries about how the situation is impacting their children’s behaviour. Concerns about safety and trauma are pervasive, and require special attention. In certain cases of violence, for example, we respond by holding workshops for parents with a psychological counsellor who discusses the emotional challenges children and parents may be experiencing.

Connections that restore trust for a new generation of parents

In one city, I’ve made it a priority to telephone every new parent who registers for an Urban95 activity. On these calls, I personally introduce myself, explaining the programme and answering their questions so that they feel welcome and safe to participate. This matters, because levels of trust in services offered to the public by municipal authorities or non-governmental organisations are very low. Also, I try to attend all the activities myself, even during holidays and weekends, and everyone has my phone number.

Photo: Noor Korabi

Listening to feedback is very important for making these groups a success. For example, we heard about fathers who had wanted to come to one of our activities, but when they arrived and saw that all the participants were mothers, they left because they feared they would not be welcomed. So, we set up a workshop on play that was only for couples to encourage fathers to join. It was great for the fathers to hear how important it is for them, too, to play with their kids.

Overall, we’ve found that what all parents really want is a chance to talk about their experiences with parenthood without feeling that they’re being judged. Creating these kinds of opportunities has led to deeply moving moments. In one session, for example, a new mother shared that her baby had chickenpox. Someone mentioned that it can help to put breastmilk on the spots. She said that she hadn’t been able to breastfeed, and immediately other mothers offered to express their own milk and give it to her. These are people who had only just met, and hardly knew each other.

Making sense of challenges together

When there is violence in a small city, everyone knows about it, including children. They might see or hear things. They might be related to the victim or encounter violence on their way to kindergarten. Children ask questions and sometimes parents don’t know the best way to respond. We are working to support parents so that big topics and difficult circumstances feel more manageable.

“There is power in addressing shared challenges and relieving frustrations together. I envision doing this through imaginative and nature-based group activities.”

One of the ways we do this is by helping these parents feel less alone, and more connected to one another. With increasing violence in Arab society, people hardly see each other and have difficulty (or fear) communicating. For parents of children under 3, there are hardly any activities – except those that are private and expensive – leaving few opportunities for young families to meet and share their experiences. I listen to parents’ concerns and know that they are dealing with a lot. In addition to ongoing violence, climate change is also a big stressor. Parents feel frustrated and powerless.

I want to change that by focusing on building peer support among parents and facilitating connections among Arab municipalities. There is power in addressing shared challenges and relieving frustrations together. I envision doing this through imaginative and nature-based group activities, such as art workshops using recycled materials or DIY sessions on how to play without “toys”.

I am also thinking about programming that brings young children and older people together – making connections between generations can help nurture a shared purpose and identity among families. Looking ahead, my big goal is to help parents build a strong community shell around them that can nurture them and their children, as well as foster their sense of power and self-efficacy.